Episode 101: How to overcome overwhelm
3/5/25
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You are listening to the Life Reconstructed podcast with me, Teresa Amaral Beshwate, grief expert, best-selling author and widow. I’m so glad you’re here because in this and every episode, I shine a light on the widowed way forward.
Hello and welcome to episode 101. In this episode, I want to help you with overwhelm. I offer 3 things that are important to know, and 3 things I suggest that you do.
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I have yet to meet a widowed person who hasn’t, at some point, felt overwhelmed. Sometimes they say, “I’m overwhelmed, and I can’t get things done.” Or maybe, “I just can’t get motivated.” Or, “I can’t make myself focus on what’s important.”
It can be unsettling, especially if in life before loss, you were a person who took care of business, who got things done.
If this is you, there are 3 things I want you to know. And also, 3 things I want you to do.
Let’s start with three important things to know about overwhelm.
1. Your brain isn’t working as it once did. Losing your person changes your brain. It taxes your brain in unprecedented ways. It’s that catastrophic. Your brain quite literally is wired to understand the world with your person physically present. It’s genuinely baffled by their absence. There are specific parts of your brain operating on overdrive, which largely silences other parts of your brain that normally function quite well. To keep it brief, just know that there’s a lot happening in your brain right now and it’s temporary. Please don’t expect your brain to function as it did before loss. Be kind and gentle as you learn it’s current capability. And know that it will improve.
2. The second thing I want you to know is that you’re not your former self. Your person’s death changed you, too, in irreversible ways. The former you was probably efficient and productive and motivated. However you would describe yourself, that’s former you. What you have today is the current version of you. You’re learning who you are, now. Again, be gentle as you learn yourself, and know that there’s a future version of you, too.
3. The third thing I want you to know is that brains offer thoughts. Brains are a bit like an unattended jukebox that randomly plays songs. Your job is to eavesdrop on your thoughts, without believing any of it. Because our thoughts are not necessarily true. Your brain will suggest that it’s all got to get done immediately, which isn’t true. It will suggest that there’s just too much to do, that you don’t know how to do it, you can’t trust yourself anyway, that you’re the least qualified person to live the life you’re living. Just listen in, and notice whatever your brain is offering you.
Now, 3 things to do.
1. Thoughts cause feelings. Notice what you’re thinking and how you’re feeling BEFORE you attempt to get something accomplished. Your brain will offer you thoughts that lead to overwhelm because overwhelm leads to inaction. The brain is hard wired for efficiency, so it will opt for the couch and Netflix every single time. So, the goal is this: before you try to get something done, pause and notice what you’re thinking and how those thoughts make you feel. Write down your thoughts and feelings. And that leads to step #2.
2. The thing about thoughts is that we get to direct them. Yes, the jukebox, left unattended, plays songs. And also, we get to tell the jukebox what to play. We humans have the ability to think, on purpose. So step #2 is to choose true and helpful thoughts that make you feel intentional, focused, deliberate, or whatever feeling is going to best help you take the action you want to take. Now, step 3….
3. From that place, select one small item. One paper. One phone call. One email. Take the next smallest step. And if that was more involved than you thought, write yourself a note and document the next smallest step that is required. Yes, your former self was able to tackle more than this, but what you’ve got today is your today self, and this version of you is only tackling a very small item, and that’s good enough for today.
You’re not supposed to know how to do this. There is no owner’s manual. The unimaginable happened and now you find yourself living a life you didn’t sign up for. Be gentle with yourself. Spoiler alert: You’re a person, even now, who figures it out.
If this episode was helpful, please share it with a widowed friend. And remember that I believe in you, and I’m here for you. Take care.
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If you’ve found this podcast helpful, my best-selling book, also called Life Reconstructed, will help even more. It’s now available on Audible, or in paperback, along with the accompanying journal, plus you’ll get instant access to a 3-part video series that will help you right away. Links are in the show notes.
https://www.thesuddenwidowcoach.com/lrbonusbundle https://www.audible.com/pd/B0DRDL949F/?source_code=AUDFPWS0223189MWT-BK-ACX0-426818&ref=acx_bty_BK_ACX0_426818_rh_us
