Episode 99: “Who am I?”
2/19/25
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You are listening to the Life Reconstructed podcast with me, Teresa Amaral Beshwate, grief expert, best-selling author and widow. I’m so glad you’re here because in this and every episode, I shine a light on the widowed way forward.
Hello and welcome to episode 99. In this episode, I help you answer the question that you probably ask yourself often, “Who am I?”
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How often do you find yourself wondering who you are? You were probably so intertwined with your person. Maybe you could finish each other’s sentences. Your person was there for you to hold you up when you needed it, and vice versa. Maybe your decisions were collaborative, so the outcomes were shared, for better or worse.
You existed in the world as a couple. Your friends are your couple friends. It seems impossible to deconstruct all of that.
And yet you find yourself without your person’s physical presence, living this life that you didn’t sign up for.
Without your person, who are you?
The brain likes to pose questions, and usually they are questions with no easy answer, or no right answer. Essentially, it’s not a good question. And it leads to a spin cycle of question after question. It’s not useful at all.
So, let’s start by changing the question just slightly. Instead of “who am I?” a better question is, “who am I right now?”
There are answers to that question, and they can be helpful to you. I want to offer you some options. Use the ones that ring true for you. And even better, ask your brain for your own answers.
I am a person who has experienced the unthinkable.
When I felt like I was suffocating under the weight of grief parked on my chest, I drew the next breath.
When the long days turn into sleepless nights, I’m a person who puts one foot in front of the other.
When no one truly understands my journey, I’m a person who loves them anyway.
I’m a person who has survived 100% of my unimaginably tough days.
I am a person who is picking up the pieces…..
…..Figuring out how to live again.
I’m a person who will continue to honor my spouse with my life.
I’m a person who is learning: learning what grief looks like for me, learning how to step through this life without my person’s physical presence, learning how my brain is working differently these days.
I’m a person who is committed to being kind and gentle with myself as I learn this new reality.
I’m a person who loves: my spouse, my family and friends who are dear to me.
I’m a person who is loved: by my spouse, because love never dies, and also my family and friends.
When I don’t have the answers, I’m a person who lives with the questions.
When things seem very dark, I’m a person who has the courage to have hope.
I’m a person who acknowledges my efforts and thanks myself for doing incredibly hard things.
When I forget who I am, I’m a person who gently reminds myself of what I do know.
There will be many times in life after loss that you think you’re standing on a shattered foundation. But it just isn’t true. When that happens, make your brain focus on what you do know, what you do have. Stand on that foundation, feel how it feels, and if you need to make decisions, do it from that place.
If this episode was helpful, please share it with a widowed friend. And remember that I believe in you, and I’m here for you. Take care.
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If you’ve found this podcast helpful, my best-selling book, also called Life Reconstructed, will help even more. It’s now available on Audible, or in paperback, along with the accompanying journal, plus you’ll get instant access to a 3-part video series that will help you right away. Links are in the show notes.
