Episode 93: There’s nothing wrong with you
1/8/25
Music
You are listening to the Life Reconstructed podcast with me, Teresa Amaral Beshwate, grief expert, best-selling author and widow. I’m so glad you’re here because in this and every episode, I shine a light on the widowed way forward.
Hello and welcome to episode 93. In this episode, I share why the New Year can be extra painful, and offer simple tips to help. Plus I invite you to join me on January 21st for my free webinar called New Year, More Grief: what to do when it gets worse instead of better. The link to register is in the show notes.
Music
I record these episodes a few weeks in advance, and so as I record this, it’s mid-December and I’m noticing a sentiment of, “Can we please just fast forward to January 2nd?” And I get it. I felt the same way.
Once we hit January, we have indeed gotten through the December holidays. And that’s an accomplishment. But the truth is that January is just another 31 days. And these first weeks of any new year can be tricky on their own. They can be fertile soil for extra painful stories we tell ourselves. Things like,
Now I’ve got to stop wallowing or feeling sorry for myself.
People expect me to be better by now, and I agree with them.
By now I should be further along by now.
I should have taken care of that stack of paperwork, cleaned the closet, finalized my will, had the oil changed and been back to the gym already.
You might wonder what is wrong with you.
The short answer is that you’re grieving. Which is a normal reaction to losing your spouse. It’s this hard to lose your person. You’re not your former self, because death changed you, too. You’re learning this version of you, her needs and her capabilities. Your brain is doing a lot of work to rewire itself according to this new reality.
And while that’s all happening, you’re feeling profoundly difficult feelings. Plus, it’s very tempting to be self-critical. To try to kick yourself into gear. To tell yourself that you’re doing it wrong.
There’s the wound – the loss – and all the implications of it. Then there’s the salt – the self-criticism, that mean mental chatter.
And you know that in order to heal a wound, we’ve got to first stop pouring salt into it.
Friends, you are exactly where you are, and that’s okay. This is the part when it’s exactly this hard. No one prepared you for this, because your loss is unique to you.
You’re doing your best in the most catastrophic time of your life. Cut yourself some slack. Be kind to yourself.
And know that there’s a future ahead of you that’s bright. Differently bright. Differently good. With a different kind of happiness, a different version of joy. I know you can’t see it, and in this moment, you might not even believe it. And that’s okay. But it is there.
The first step toward that future is learning yourself, now. Learning how your brain works, for now. Learning how to tend to the wound. Giving yourself permission and learning how to get unstuck so you can start moving forward in a way that honors your person, and you.
Join me on January 21st, 2025 for a webinar that will help you do just that. It’s called New Year, More Grief: What to do when it gets worse instead of better. I’ll offer a 3-part, simply strategy that is ideal for this time of year. Again, it’s January 21st at 3pm pacific time, it’s free, and while I hope you can attend live so I can answer your questions, if you can’t make it, register anyway and I’ll send you the replay. Register by clicking the link in the show notes.
And remember that I believe in you, and I’m here for you. Take care.
Music
If you’ve found this episode helpful and you’re listening on Apple or Spotify, would you please rate and review it? No matter where you’re listening, share it with a widowed person who you care about. And join me on January 21st by clicking the link in the show notes.
https://www.thesuddenwidowcoach.com/new-year-more-grief
