Episode 92: It’s just another day
1-1-25
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You are listening to the Life Reconstructed podcast with me, Teresa Amaral Beshwate, grief expert, best-selling author and widow. I’m so glad you’re here because in this and every episode, I shine a light on the widowed way forward.
Hello and welcome to episode 92. In this episode, I share why a new year can be extra painful for widowed people, and offer practical tips to help.
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If you’re listening as this episode is released, it’s the first day of a brand-new year. Which seems really significant. We place a lot of importance on January 1st in general in our society. You know it well, it’s the new year new you concept. New goals to set, a fresh start, and the like.
And for those who have lost a spouse, we place a different kind of significance on this day. For me in my early years, and for many of my clients, it’s an extra painful day.
We tell ourselves things like…..
We should be doing better by now. That by 2025, you should be ….fill in the blank…… moving forward, crying less, finding your purpose, or something else that you’re not yet doing. It’s easy for self-criticism to get worse in a new year.
We also tell ourselves things like….
Our person didn’t exist in this year.
We’re moving further away from them.
Leaving them in the past all the more.
It may be more difficult to say that your person passed last year, as opposed to being able to say, “earlier this year.”
We want to keep them closer than that. We want to cling tighter to the time that they existed on this earth.
But the world keeps turning, and that is hard, no matter how long ago your person passed.
If some of these thoughts are happening in your brain, then this episode is for you.
Here’s what I want to offer you. This day doesn’t really matter all that much. It’s just another 24 hour period. It’s just another day.
The more we take any extra, unnecessary pressure off the day, the more we can see it as a normal day.
And a normal day is a day that you can find ways to include your person. To honor them.
A day that you can take extra good care of yourself. To figure out what’s good for your soul, and do more of that.
A day that you get a little better nutrition, move a little more, or spend a little time stretching.
That you play music that soothes your soul.
Or spend time in nature.
Or simply draw some deeper breaths.
It can be a day that you’re extra kind to yourself – that you’re your biggest cheerleader instead of your worst critic.
I love the thought that I’m one day closer to something incredible. It depends on your beliefs, but I believe I’ll be with my person again one day. And so whenever I ached with the passing of time, I directed my brain to think of myself as one day closer.
Does that mean I’m biding time in a mediocre existence? Not at all. I’m creating a beautiful life for myself that honors him and me. I’m learning and growing and helping others AND I look forward to the day I’ll see him again.
If your beliefs are different than mine, that’s okay. There’s still something to look forward to. There’s a future version of you who feels peace version 2.0, happiness version 2.0 and has created a full and meaningful life. Today, think of yourself as one day closer to that.
Healing doesn’t mean forgetting. It is the process of remembering with less pain and more joy. That’s the journey ahead. That’s what you can look forward to. It doesn’t happen with time alone, it happens with intentionality practiced over time.
Examples of intentionality include being kind to yourself, taking inventory of what you routinely think, how you regularly feel, and the actions you find yourself taking, and asking yourself if this is what you want for yourself.
If not, what support do you need? Get that for yourself. You’re worth it. The people you love deserve the best possible version of you.
If this episode was helpful, please share it with a widowed friend. And remember that I believe in you, and I’m here for you. Take care.
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If you’ve found this podcast helpful, my best-selling book, also called Life Reconstructed, will help even more. It’s available by going to www.thesuddenwidowcoach.com/lrbook I’ll send you a signed copy of the book, and the accompanying journal, plus you’ll get instant access to a 3-part video series that will help you right away. Again, go to www.thesuddenwidowcoach.com/lrbook
