Episode 56: How to boost your energy, part 1
4/24/24
Music
You are listening to the Life Reconstructed podcast with me, Teresa Amaral Beshwate, grief expert, best-selling author and widow. I’m so glad you’re here because in this and every episode, I shine a light on the widowed way forward.
Hello and welcome to episode 56. This episode is the first in a 3-part series to help you boost your energy levels as you navigate life after the loss of your spouse.
Music
The loss of a spouse means you have twice the tasks, all of the decisions, and a fraction of the energy you once had. You wake up with a miniscule amount of energy and it’s often gone by 9 am, and then you find yourself running on fumes the rest of the day.
It’s common, and completely understandable. But there are ways to conserve this precious, finite resource.
In this 3-part series, I will offer you three practical ways to boost your energy levels as you navigate life after loss. In this episode we’ll focus on the chatter inside of your head.
Because there is no rule book or owner’s manual for life after loss, we can quickly come to the conclusion that we’re doing it wrong. It sounds something like:
I should be further along by now.
I’m back at square one.
I don’t know how to do this life without him.
I’m failing.
I shouldn’t be crying so much.
I should be more motivated to get things done.
I should be more efficient.
This type of brain chatter is natural because human brains are hard wired to spot anything negative. It makes sense because at one time, spotting the negative meant avoiding danger, which is what kept our ancestors alive.
It’s called negativity bias, and while it was helpful back in the day, it’s not so helpful today, and especially if you’re figuring out how to do this life without your person.
Researchers say that we have about 60,000 thoughts a day, and 80% are negative. That’s not even a grieving person statistic. I’m sure it would be even higher.
Not only is self-judgement a massive energy drain, it will not help you in any way. It delays healing, it won’t help you get anything done, and it won’t keep you from falling into a pit of self-pity. It literally has no benefit.
So it’s important that you know what to do about it.
That your brain offers negativity is completely natural. We can observe it and acknowledge the normality of it, and then shift gears to other true and useful thoughts.
Here are some ideas for you to consider:
I’ve been through a lot.
It’s this hard to lose my person.
Being kind to myself is the path to healing.
I’m not supposed to know how to do this.
I’m learning how to do this.
There’s not one “right” way to grieve.
There is no timeline for grief.
I’m not my former self.
I’m learning who I am, now.
My brain is functioning differently, at least for now.
I’m learning to put the pieces back together.
Make a list of true to you, useful, and kind thoughts that you can think, on purpose. Notice how each thought makes you feel.
Practice your thoughts each day, pausing to feel the feeling that each thought creates.
Practice them proactively, first thing in the morning. And practice them whenever your brain offers self-criticism, judgement or any form of negativity.
The more you direct your brain toward true, useful and kind thoughts, the less energy you’ll spend in self-judgement.
The more energy you’ll have for what is important, for what needs your attention.
The more energy you’ll have to tend to your needs, to tackle one piece of paperwork, to sort through the pile of clutter, to eat something nutritious, to go for a walk.
The more energy you’ll have for those you love.
And the more you’ll learn to love yourself. Which, I promise, is the way forward.
If this episode was helpful, please share it with a widowed friend. And remember that I believe in you, and I’m here for you. Take care.
Music
If you’re interested in learning more about how your brain is functioning differently now, watch my free webinar called Your Brain on Grief. You’ll know the top 3 changes that happen with grief, and exactly what to do about them. You’ll understand yourself better, and you’ll leave with a simple practice to help you feel better today. The link to watch is in the show notes. https://www.thesuddenwidowcoach.com/your-brain-on-grief
