Episode 20: Scarcity or abundance?
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You are listening to the Life Reconstructed podcast with me, Teresa Amaral Beshwate, grief expert, best-selling author and widow. I’m so glad you’re here because in this and every episode, I shine a light on the widowed way forward.
Hello and welcome to episode 20. In this episode we look closely at scarcity, how normal it is for those who have lost a spouse, and how sufficiency is also an option.
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In her book The Soul of Money, Lynne Twist suggests that scarcity is a mindset for most people, no matter if they are rich or poor. In our society, there is a prevalent sense of “never enough”: not enough sleep, money, or time. We’re not thin enough, smart enough, or pretty enough. There’s lack of opportunity and lack of money. We don’t get enough downtime for ourselves, or quality time with others, and we’re always running behind.
How much more might this sense of scarcity be true for widowed people? For some, a significant source of household income dries up instantly and without warning. The responsibilities shared by two people suddenly need to be accomplished by one. Sleep is evasive, energy levels are microscopic, and the demands of the day are crushing.
After our loss, it slowly becomes clear how much we borrowed from our spouse. Maybe we borrowed confidence, our sense of security, and more. We probably made joint decisions and then had each other’s back, and in doing so we shared responsibility for the outcome.
Our great loss is arguably the most profound example of scarcity. Without our person, we feel insufficient. In our minds, we don’t have enough, and we ourselves are surely not enough. We’re sure that we lack the knowledge, skills, and resources to climb that daunting mountain ahead of us.
Ironically, when we are at our weakest, we need to learn to become our own source of confidence, support, and security. We need to make decisions and then have our own backs and take full responsibility for the outcome. Once a happy and confident part of a two-person team, now we need to learn that we, alone, are enough.
And that growth starts with believing it is possible.
Beliefs are simply thoughts we think often. Thoughts are always optional, and thoughts ultimately create results in our life. Therefore, what we believe, we create more of.
Growth comes from noticing thoughts of scarcity as they occur and purposefully replacing them with thoughts of sufficiency—our own sufficiency and that of our resources. It’s about learning to believe in abundance and learning to believe in ourselves.
If we believe in abundance, we create more abundance. If we believe in ourselves, we grow ourselves.
A scarcity mindset is fear-based and uncomfortable. A sufficiency mindset is unfamiliar and uncomfortable. So our options are two varieties of discomfort, each with very different results.
Write down all your thoughts based in scarcity. What, according to your brain, is not enough? Are you lacking confidence, know-how, time, money, wisdom, support, or understanding? Get it all on paper.
Then, ask yourself what else is true. What is abundant? What do you know? In what areas are you confident? Exactly how much money do you have? How are you smart enough? How are you experienced enough? Looking back, what have you been able to learn since your loss? In what areas do you have support from others?
Pay close attention to how often your brain offers you scarcity-based thoughts. Of course it does. Acknowledge that these thoughts are perfectly normal, and then think other true thoughts, on purpose, that are based in abundance.
When we direct our brains to see abundance, we reorient ourselves to what’s true. We balance out the negative, panicky chatter. We begin to step forward toward a life of certainty and confidence.
If you’re having trouble finding sufficiency, I get it. I did in the early years, too.
Today I’ve helped hundreds of widowed people, and I know how to help you, too. My coaching program is uniquely designed for those who have lost a spouse, and I invite you to join. You’ll find yourself again, and in finding you, you’ll find sufficiency in many areas of your life. You’ll also love the future version of you. Let’s go find her.
Remember, I’m here for you, and I believe in you. Take care.
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If you’ve found this podcast helpful, I invite you to join Life Reconstructed, my coaching program exclusively for widowed people. It will help you step forward toward a life you will love again. Simply go to thesuddenwidowcoach.com and click work with me.
