Episode 6: Don’t believe everything you think
Intro with music
Hello and welcome to episode 6: Don’t believe everything you think. In this episode, we look closer at our thoughts, how they’re different from facts, and how to become fierce editors of our own thinking.
Music
In episode 3, I shared how the brain changes with grief, and I suggested a 3-step process to help you better manage your grieving brain:
1. Observe your thoughts, objectively. Write down what your brain is offering you, without judgement.
2. Think about what you think about. Is it true? Is it useful? Look at each thought and decide whether you want to keep or delete it.
3. Think true thoughts intentionally. On purpose. Regularly.
In today’s episode, we’re going to focus on step 2- thinking about what we think about. In other words, deciding which thoughts are true and useful.
Has anyone ever told you to …..never believe everything you think?
Most people are not taught to question their own thoughts. Thoughts are simply sentences that our brains are offering us, and they just seem true. But in reality, we mistake thoughts for facts, and that’s a huge opportunity for growth and healing.
Separating facts from thoughts is a powerful and potentially life-changing exercise. The first step is to understand the meaning of fact. A fact is a statement that can be proven in a court of law, and all people on earth would agree on it.
Here are some facts: A spouse died. Sister-in-law sent a text message. I live in the house we shared.
Here are some thoughts: He should never have died in that way. She was so disrespectful. I’m all alone.
Another example is body weight. The number on the scale is a fact. It can be recorded and proven in a court of law, and everyone on earth would agree that the scale does show the specific number.
How we interpret the number is a thought. We tend to make the number mean that we’re overweight and unhealthy and less worthy than someone who weighs twenty pounds less.
Separating facts from thoughts is powerful because although the facts are the facts—unchangeable and often outside of our control—our thoughts about the facts are always 100% optional and within our control.
If you go to a buffet style restaurant, for example, you expect there to be a wide variety of offerings. You’d likely walk around, see what’s there, and then decide on the foods that you like, that serve you well.
And you would of course not choose the foods that you don’t like, or maybe you’re allergic to.
It would be strange to walk in the door and stand over the first platter you see and assume that that’s the only option. Of course it isn’t.
Our brains are thought buffets. There will be the first option, meaning the first thought your brain offers you, but it’s never the only option. Thoughts are infinite.
As we learn to be better eavesdroppers on our thoughts, we can begin to question what else might be true. We can begin to observe how each thought plays out in our lives (more on that in future episodes).
We can exercise our power to choose thoughts that are true and useful. Which is to say that we can become fierce editors of our thoughts. This is the path forward. This is the way to feel better, today. And this is the way to truly live again, to live a life you love.
Remember, thoughts are not always true or useful, but they are always 100% optional.
So today, write down the thoughts your brain is offering you, and circle the ones that are facts. The rest are thoughts. Can you see how some of your thoughts may not be true? What else might be true? What if the opposite is true?
My brain used to suggest that I could never be anything but miserable, because he died. I thought that was a fact. Eventually I began to see it as a thought, and over time, I began to challenge it. What if the best way I could honor him is to figure out how to live my life fully?
If you feel stuck in your grief, questioning your current thinking is a powerful exercise. I’m so glad I eventually questioned my own thoughts. Which is to say that I’m so glad I was willing to be wrong. Because the thoughts my brain was offering me were simply not true, and did not in any way serve me. In fact, they kept me in a prison of my own creation.
If you’re ready to find your own thoughts, hold them up into the light and really examine them, this podcast is for you. Be sure to click subscribe so you don’t miss an episode. Because there’s much more to come. And in the meantime, know that I believe in you, and I’m here for you. Take care.
