Wrestling with reality

This should have never happened. He should be here. We should be living out the future we planned. 

Sound familiar?  

Whether we were widowed unexpectedly or knew it was coming, many of us struggle to accept this horrible new reality.  

So we argue with what is. We rail against our circumstances. We wrestle with our horrific new existence. It’s an exhausting battle that we can never win. No matter how much we fight, the reality is still the reality. Although this is a normal part of grief, when we stay in this place long-term, we stay stuck. We pile suffering on top of our pain.  

We resist accepting what is, in part, because of what we make that mean. Our brains tell us that accepting what is means that we are letting go of our spouse, or that we are condoning what has happened.  

But in truth, accepting what is only means that we are choosing to redirect our energy. We choose to focus that microscopic amount of energy that we find ourselves with each day on other areas that matter to us. In doing so, we end this particular variety of suffering. And maybe that means we can take a little better care of ourselves, that we better process our pain, that we can begin to understand how to put one foot in front of the other.  

Teresa Amaral Beshwate, MPH, The Sudden Widow Coach, helps widows who have experienced the sudden loss of their spouse or significant other learn to live and love their life again. Her coaching program is exclusively for widowed people and offers the perfect mix of private and group coaching along with the most life changing tools for the uniquely challenging widowed journey.