Why You Don’t Have to “Move On”

My recent blog busted the popular grief myth that you must "let him go" in order to properly grieve. Today we’ll tackle the equally popular, well-intentioned, “it’s time to move on.”

It implies that we should leave the past in the past, accept reality and stop wallowing, because by societal standards, after all, it’s time. You’ve had enough time to grieve. Now you need to move on. If for no other reason, so that the people who care about you can stop worrying. If you’re “moving on,” everyone else won’t have to experience the awkwardness of trying to support you. It’ll just be better for everyone. Please, just move on.

The problem is that “moving on” is akin to “letting him go.” It feels horrible. Many interpret moving on as disregarding their person, their marriage, their shared past and planned future. It’s like hitting delete on all the things that have meant everything. It’s leaving him in the past.

Personally, I have never moved on.

I have put one foot in front of the other. I have moved forward with him and for him. I allowed myself to dream again. I considered how I might live a life big enough for the two of us. I have taken significant steps toward that life.

I’m proof that moving on is not a requirement. It’s simply a thought. While it might be a thought that serves some people, for many it simply doesn’t work. It causes extra, unnecessary suffering. It makes us feel awful.

The good news, however, is that thoughts are always, 100% optional. When one doesn’t work for us, we can ask ourselves what else is true. What if the opposite were true? Try on different thoughts that feel true to you, and find ones that make you feel peaceful, confident and purposeful (or any other feeling that you want to feel).

Because if life can be so brutal, then it can also be beautiful. Even life after loss. Especially life after loss.

If you have been judged for not “moving on,” I see you. My six-month private coaching program called Life Reconstructed can help you find your way forward, on your terms and “moving on” is not required. If you’re ready to invest in yourself and take bigger strides toward a life you love, simply apply here and we’ll see if it’s a fit.