Why Being on the Run Doesn't Work

I am a dog lover, but also pretty fearful of any dog that acts aggressively. If an aggressive dog is chasing you, the general advice is not to run, in part because it only emboldens the dog and besides, the dog can outrun you.

When a spouse passes, we experience an unprecedented and overwhelming level of pain. It is very likely the most horrific and debilitating experience of our lives. So naturally the primitive brain connects this pain with potential danger and perhaps death, thus urging us to numb the pain immediately.

My numbing agent of choice was busy. My work at the time required significant travel and I came home to 10 acres that needed my attention. Then I caught the next outbound flight. At first, I thought that it was a vacation from the challenges in my life. Then I realized that I couldn’t outrun the pain.

Just like an aggressive dog, those big feelings chase after us, and as we run, the feelings grow. Whenever we stop momentarily to catch our breath, the feelings pounce. No matter how fast we run, the feelings are just at our heels.

For me it created the most intense version exhaustion that I had ever felt. It was in every cell of my body and in the depths of my soul.

At some point we come to the crossroad of exhausted and overwhelmed and we know we must decide. We don’t have the courage to face the feelings, but we also don’t have an ounce of energy to stay on the run. There aren’t a lot of great options.

It was years into my journey before I decided to stand my ground. I was tired of getting beat up every time I let my guard down. I decided that somehow I would face it and feel it. I learned to process emotions. I found out that when I faced it, the big feelings that were so boldly pursuing me would actually shrink back to proper proportion. To my surprise, the feelings did not consume me.

The dog was only aggressive because I was on the run.

If you’re on the run and you know it isn’t working, I see you. My private coaching program called Life Reconstructed shows you how to stand your ground, and that’s just the beginning. If you’re ready to try something different in order to get different results, simply click here and we’ll see if it’s a fit.