When you feel like you're failing

In life after the loss of a spouse, it’s common to think that you’re failing at grief. It sounds like:

I should be further along by now.

I’m back at square one.

I can’t do this.

I’m not qualified to be a widow.

I can’t get out of my own way.

The truth is that losing your person is incredibly hard, all by itself. And then we pile extra suffering on top of the grief in the form of self-judgement. It’s a heavy load.

Self-judgement is arguably the fastest way to deplete the microscopic amount of energy you have each day.

Spoiler alert: there is no one “right” way to grieve. There are no grief police. There is no rule book, and no one is handing out grades, so there is no way to get an A.

So don’t let your brain tell you that you’re failing.

Make a list of every hard thing you’ve done since your loss. Early on, you got out of bed on the days that felt impossible. Later, you took the car to get new tires. You went grocery shopping. You cooked for one. You figured out how to fix the dishwasher. You drove to visit family. You made important decisions. You went to the hardware store. You sold a vehicle.

You kept stepping through a life that felt like it had ended.

List your wins, big and small. Review your list every day. Add to it, too. Notice how it makes you feel. Start your day standing on that foundation.

You are doing this.

You are doing your best, and that looks different every day because grief is messy.

Congratulate yourself for not quitting.

I see you, and I celebrate you.

If you feel alone in your grief, I invite you to join us inside Life Reconstructed, my coaching program exclusively for widowed people. You’ll enjoy a like-minded community of people who celebrate wins regularly. You’ll have the expertise of a certified professional coach and widow, and you’ll gain the life-changing tools that are perfect for this journey. Click below to learn more.