The Day After

If you’ve made a few trips around the sun since your profound loss, you are already familiar with the day after. Each person is unique of course, but perhaps we share a collective sigh of relief on the day after a difficult day, whether a holiday, birthday or anniversary. The dread has lifted, if only for a moment. The difficulties of that day are behind us. Life can resume as slightly more “normal.”

On the day after, the pressure is off. There is nowhere to be, nothing special to cook, and no people pleasing to be done. There is no reason to wear your best game face; to act as if things are better than they actually are.

The day after is typically much easier than the weeks prior. It feels so much more do-able.

The day after is a chance to consider your wins: the little or big victories that you’ve earned for yourself in this most difficult time of life. You made it through yesterday, however imperfectly, and that alone is a win. What are your other wins?

Life after loss is one big learning curve for all of us. You’re not supposed to know how to navigate difficult days. There is no rule book and there are no grief police.

Whether it’s your first year or your 15^th or somewhere in between, it’s all one big experiment. And the good news is that you can’t do it wrong. There is no right or wrong way to walk through a difficult day. There is only the way you did it this year. The day after is a chance to record what went well and what didn’t:

• What will you do differently next year?
• How might you take better care of yourself?
• What did you learn about your needs?

The day after is a chance to have your own back. You did yesterday to the best of your ability. It probably wasn’t perfect. It probably was a mix of terribly difficult and surprisingly pleasant emotions.. You likely had a few options for how to spend the day, and you picked one. Whatever you picked was right for you this year, even if it was staying in bed all day. You did what was best for you given where you are in your journey.

If anyone doesn’t understand your choices, that’s okay. You probably don’t expect them to understand what this is like for you. You probably would never want them to truly understand this difficult journey. If others are critical of your choices, that’s okay. You can simply let them be wrong.

You made it to the day after. Congratulations. Use this day to breathe, to be kind to yourself, to note what you’ve learned recently, and to have your own back.

If you’re already dreading the next holiday, I get it. I did too. Why not face it with a community of like-minded people who are traveling the journey together, along with a coach to guide the way? My coaching program called Life Reconstructed is what I needed when I was drowning in holiday dread. If you’re ready to invest in yourself, simply apply here and we’ll see if it’s a fit.