Self-care is not selfish

Do you sometimes wonder if you’re being selfish since your loss?

Perhaps you’re not the same friend, parent or daughter that you once were. You find that you simply can’t be there for others. The things that you once did freely and easily now come with a hefty price tag, and your soul is on a budget.

And it feels selfish.

If your life has been about putting others first, the difference between selfish and self-care might be murky.

So let's clarify.

A selfish person focuses on themselves, excessively or exclusively, while disregarding others.

Self-care, on the other hand, is simply to care for oneself.

It’s easy to confuse an act of self-care as selfish:

• When you want to take the trip that the two of you had planned.
• When you want to sell the vacation home.
• When you say no to an invitation.
• When you do the thing you really want to do, instead of the thing you think you should do.

Your brain will be quick to suggest that you’re being selfish.

But are you really acting with complete disregard for others? Or more accurately, are you looking out for yourself, at a time when more than anything, you need to take extra good care of yourself?

Grief is demanding.

Its demands are unlike any other.

It is asking you to view self-care differently, at least for now.

Self-care can look like:

• Making financial decisions that are best for you and your future.
• Ending people pleasing.
• Allowing people who love you to not fully understand you.
• Establishing boundaries.
• Choosing silence and solitude over noise and people.

All of which is to tend to yourself like never before, because that’s what grief is demanding of you. And none of which is in complete disregard for others.

There will come a time that you will be able to care for others again, and you will.

But that time is not now.

What does self-care look like for you in your life after loss?

The more you care for yourself now, the better you will be able to care for others later. One single act of self-care that has a lifelong ripple effect is to join us inside of Life Reconstructed. Click below to learn more.