Scarcity or sufficiency?

In her book The Soul of Money, Lynne Twist suggests that scarcity is a mindset for most people, no matter if they are rich or poor. There is a prevalent sense of “never enough:” not enough sleep, money, or time. We’re not thin enough, smart enough or pretty enough. There is lack of opportunity and lack of money. We don’t get enough down time for ourselves, or quality time with others and we’re always running behind.

How much more might this be true for widowed people? For some, a significant source of household income dries up instantly and without warning. The responsibilities shared by two people suddenly need to be accomplished by one. Sleep is evasive, energy levels are microscopic, and the demands of the day are crushing.

It slowly becomes clear how much we borrowed from our spouse. We borrowed confidence, support and our sense of security, to name a few. We made joint decisions and then had each other’s back, and in doing so we shared responsibility for the outcome.

Our great loss is arguably the most profound example of scarcity. Without our person, we feel insufficient. In our minds, we don’t have enough, and we ourselves are not enough. We are sure that we lack the knowledge, skills and resources to climb the daunting mountain ahead of us.

Ironically, when we are at our weakest, we must learn to be our own source of confidence, support and security. We must make decisions and then have our own backs and take full responsibility for the outcome. Once a happy and confident part of a two-person team, we must learn that we, alone, are enough.

It starts with believing it is possible.

Beliefs are simply thoughts we think often. Thoughts are always optional, and thoughts ultimately create results in our life. Therefore, what we believe, we create more of.

It is noticing thoughts of scarcity as they occur, and purposefully replacing them with thoughts of sufficiency – in ourselves and our resources. It’s about learning to believe in abundance and learning to believe in ourselves.

If we believe in abundance, we create more abundance. If we believe in ourselves, we grow ourselves.

A scarcity mindset is fear-based and uncomfortable. A sufficiency mindset is unfamiliar and uncomfortable. So our options are two different varieties of discomfort, but with very different results.

Teresa Amaral Beshwate, MPH, The Sudden Widow Coach, helps widows who have experienced the sudden loss of their spouse or significant other learn to live and love their life again. Her coaching program is exclusively for widowed people and offers the perfect mix of private and group coaching along with the most life changing tools for the uniquely challenging widowed journey.