Loving Yourself

As Valentine’s Day fast approaches, many who have lost their person are filled with dread. It can be yet another cruel reminder of what we have lost, and what others still have (and perhaps don’t even appreciate).

Relationships are really our thoughts about the other person. For example, two co-workers have the same boss. One adores the boss, while the other finds the boss intolerable. How can that be, given that the boss is one in the same? Each co-worker’s relationship with the boss is based on their individual thoughts about the boss.

Along those same lines, I believe that we can still have relationships with those who have passed. I am still and will always be connected to my husband – even as I make major strides in my life after loss.

I believe that love is eternal.

I believe that love never dies.

Those are my thoughts that in part represent my current relationship with my late husband. Those thoughts serve me.

That’s the beauty of thoughts – they’re 100% optional. We get to think anything we want. After all, there is no right or wrong. There is no rule book for grief. And there is no such thing as the grief police who may cite us for doing it wrong .

There is, on the other hand, loving ourselves enough to decide what’s best for us and then having our own back when others might not agree. After a lifetime of being there for others, now is the time to be there for ourselves: for asking ourselves, “What do I need?”, for figuring out what is good for our soul, for giving ourselves permission to put ourselves first – perhaps for the first time ever.

My awesome client (you know who you are, C.P.) came up with the notion of loving herself as much as her husband loved her. Which is no small task because he loved her big. In their marriage, love was a verb, not only articulated but demonstrated by actions big and small. He loved her in millions of ways over their decades of marriage. Maybe you can relate.

How can you love yourself in millions of ways?

It starts by recognizing what love isn’t:

self-judgment,

holding yourself to an exponentially higher standard than you hold others,

or holding yourself responsible for not being able to save him.

Those are self-imposed prison sentences; they are the opposite of love. 

Next, consider what you need and put yourself on your priority list like never before.

If ever you needed love, it’s now, as you navigate the most brutal chapter of your life.

Consider the thought that love is eternal, on Valentine’s Day and every other day. And consider how you might show yourself extra love.

If you are serving a self-imposed life sentence of self-judgement, my six-month private coaching program called Life Reconstructed can help. If you’re ready to invest in yourself and take bigger strides toward a life you love, simply apply here and we’ll see if it’s a fit.