In search of purpose

The first year after the loss of a spouse can be like an out of body experience. You trudge through murky, unfamiliar waters in a fog, attempting to wrap your mind around what’s happened.

In the second year, many widowed people feel the reality settle in. You’ve perfected your “game face” and can get through the day without breaking down. You keep your chin up so that family and friends don’t worry, but at the end of the day, you aren’t making any real progress with your grief.

Perhaps you were nearing retirement and planning a new chapter of travel, quality time together and new experiences.

And yet the life you’re living is not at all the life you planned.

It lacks purpose. Who are you, now, and what are you meant to do?

It’s a question that many widowed people ask. But often it comes with an extra layer of suffering that sounds like, “After __ months/years, I should have found my purpose by now.”

And often there’s a second layer of suffering that sounds like, “How can I possibly live a meaningful life when he is not here?”

After my husband passed, I didn’t know my purpose, either. I added those layers of suffering on top, too. But the journey is hard enough without the suffering, so eventually I learned to simply live with the question.

Said differently, I chose new thoughts that were true for me. I chose to think thoughts like:

I am person who is seeking her new purpose.

I’m exploring the possibility that there is purpose for me.

It’s not time for me to know yet.

My purpose today is to take care of myself, to heal and to rest.

Seven years after my loss, it became clear. My purpose is to help other widowed people through the darkness using the tools of life coaching.

But looking back, I was on the path all along – I just didn’t know it. Each day was a steppingstone leading me toward my purpose in my life after loss. I think that’s true for all of us.

If you’re struggling under the layers of suffering, I get it. If you’re frustrated with lacking purpose, I see you. This is what we do inside Life Reconstructed, my coaching program designed exclusively for the widowed journey. It’s for people who are ready to invest in themselves and create a purpose-filled life of their choosing. If that’s you, simply  click here and we’ll see if it’s a fit.