How to have your own back

In many marriages, it’s a given that your spouse has your back. Your biggest cheerleader is in your corner, and you feel supported.

One of the thousands of reasons that life after loss is so difficult is that you lack the physical presence of the one person who supported you, believed in you and when things didn’t go as planned, helped you pick up the pieces.

After the loss of a spouse, decisions often feel terrifying and overwhelming. And once the decision is made, it’s easy to find yourself in a constant state of worry.

Was it the right decision?

What if it wasn’t?

If you’re second guessing a decision you’ve made, you don’t have your own back, which is understandable, because having your own back was likely not required in your life before loss.

When faced with a decision, most people choose the best possible option given the knowledge they have at the time.

We tend to believe that there is an absolute “right” and “wrong” decision. But the reality is that any option has pros and cons. It’s a matter of considering which set of pros and cons you would like to choose.

Make a list of your reasons for and against each option. Get all your reasons on paper. Then decide whether you like your reasons.

Making a decision releases you from the agony of decision fatigue. You deserve that.

Decide, and then decide that you’ve made the best decision.

Then observe your brain carefully. Expect it to second guess, over-analyze or Monday morning quarterback. Note those thoughts, and then redirect your thoughts back to true thoughts that serve you – thoughts that say, “I have my own back.”

Examples are:

I made the best decision with the information I had at the time.

I simply chose one set of pros and cons – there was no absolute right or wrong decision.

All of the benefits of this decision may not be visible to me yet.

This decision was right for me, simply because I made it.

If you’re stuck in decision fatigue, I can help. It’s one of the many topics we cover in Life Reconstructed, my coaching program designed exclusively for widowed people. It is the perfect blend of private coaching, group coaching and 24/7 access to the most life changing tools. Simply click below and we’ll see if it’s a fit.