Find your people

One of the many things you least expect when you lose your spouse is that the people who you thought would be there for you….the people who said they would be there for you….

are not there.

Nowhere to be found. No calls, no texts, no one showing up to help. 

It’s a secondary loss that you don’t see coming. It’s yet another gut punch.

It adds to the isolation, the loneliness.

And for many, the people who are in your life are expecting you to be “better” by now. They attempt to rush you into what they perceive should be the next phase of your healing.

In the most difficult time of life, it becomes necessary to let relationships come to a close.

And as for the people still present in your life, it becomes necessary to let them be wrong about you.

Also in the most difficult time of life, it’s crucial that you find your new people.

The ones who get it. Who have walked the journey themselves. The grief savvy people who know how to sit next to you in your pain. Who don’t try to fix you. Who don’t attempt to rush you, or tell you to look on the bright side, or offer you platitudes.

The people who never start a sentence with, “At least….”  As in “At least you still have your siblings.”

The people who aren’t competing in the grief Olympics. (You know, the people who start a sentence with, “It’s just like when my dog/parent/sibling died.”  No, no it isn’t.)

Find your people who see you exactly as you are. The people who can sit with pain and not feel in any way uncomfortable. Find your people who will cheer you on in your smallest of victories. The people who don’t try to find the “right” words, because they know that words often fail.

A group of grief savvy people can make all the difference in your healing.

You’ll have the connection and community you crave, which will help you avoid the isolation so common after the loss of a spouse.

A group can offer you the kind of support that leads to greater accountability. Which helps you finally tackle the stack of paperwork, prepare the taxes and call the insurance company.

A grief savvy group can become a source of deep, authentic connections that can last a lifetime.

You can tap the collective wisdom of the group, and share and contribute to others.

You’ll put less pressure on those who genuinely don’t get it, (good for them) and less pressure on yourself to try to help them understand (because, they can’t possibly understand.)

You’ll feel seen, understood and validated.

We humans aren’t meant to be alone. Not only does the loss of our person make us feel deeply alone, the loss of other connections adds so significantly to the burden.

I urge you to find your new, grief savvy people. Don’t wait.

Grief groups may be helpful. They're available through hospitals, hospice and churches.

Soaring Spirits International has many programs that serve widowed people, including virtual and regional social groups, plus their in-person conference called Camp Widow. 

And if you’re ready to take bigger strides in your healing, a group coaching program can help. By way of it being a coaching program, it attracts people who are ready to grow and learn.

People who want more for themselves:

• Who want to live a life of purpose and meaning.
• Who are ready to find themselves and find ways to honor their person.
• Who are unwilling to settle for anything less than a full, beautiful life.
• Who know that an experienced, widowed coach can get them there faster than any DIY approach.
• Who know the power of a group of like-minded peers.

And they want a proven, comprehensive, step-by-step way forward. My Life Reconstructed coaching program exclusively for widowed people is just that. 

Click below to learn more.