Feelings, on purpose

With this new year in full swing, it’s common to think about what we want to achieve this year. Those living in life after loss tend to pressure themselves into finding purpose again, or finally getting motivated to reconnect socially or forcing themselves into a full schedule of commitments.

Many of our thoughts focus on the actions we would like to be taking, which is something we’ve been discussing in my Life Reconstructed group coaching sessions. I like to ask a different question: how do you want to feel?

What feeling do you want to feel today, this week, and often? What feeling would serve you? What feelings would simply feel good?

Of course, we don’t get to feel good feelings all the time. That’s true for all humans, and it’s especially true for those living with grief. If the normal human experience is a 50/50 mix of difficult and positive emotions, then the grief experience can be more like 90/10. But it is an ever-changing mix of emotions.

With intentionality, it is possible to experience more positive emotions, even in life after profound loss.

Which takes us back to the question: what do you want to feel?

How we feel is within our control because our feelings are caused by our thoughts, and we get to think thoughts on purpose that serve us. So, it is possible, then, to think true thoughts that genuinely create a useful feeling.

For example, perhaps you want to feel gratitude today. What true thoughts create a genuine sense of gratitude for you?

Or maybe you’d like to feel confident today. Make a list of thoughts that create confidence for you. Perhaps it’s a list of everything you’ve accomplished since your loss.

Grief is hard enough. It brings a host of difficult and horrible feelings that we experience because of our great love for our person. You can choose, also, to allow yourself the experience of some positive emotions, too. It is by no means disrespectful of your spouse if you do.

If you can’t fathom a life that is happy again, I understand, I couldn’t either. It took me years to find the tools to help me navigate this life after loss. So, I created a program to make it more efficient for you. It’s everything I needed then, and it may be perfect for you. Simply apply here and we’ll see if it’s a fit.