Disappointed versus Defeated

Living life after profound loss is often an unsteady shuffle of setbacks and wins, missteps and strides forward. Each step forward or backward brings an onslaught of unprecedented emotions. Or perhaps we’ve felt a version of the emotion before, but never with the depth that comes after loss. One such emotion is disappointment.

It’s easy to feel disappointed – in ourselves, or the people around us. For now, let’s focus on feeling disappointed in ourselves.

Disappointment, like all feelings, comes from a thought. Maybe for you it sounds something like:

I should have learned this already.

I’m not grieving properly.

I should have seen the signs.

Why can’t I understand this?

She is doing so well - what's wrong with me?

Disappointment happens when our expectations are not met. Like all feelings, disappointment is not permanent. It’s helpful to examine the thoughts causing disappointment and decide if they’re worth keeping. Are they true? Are they serving you?

Would you say the same things to a friend that you say to yourself?

There’s nothing wrong with feeling disappointed in ourselves, but also consider that most of us have not been widowed before. We’re newbies. We’re on what may be the steepest learning curve of our lives. We will fail and we will learn and adjust.

And we can be aware of what we make failure mean. Failing doesn’t make us a failure. And disappointment doesn’t have to lead to defeat. We are not failures and we are not defeated. We are simply walking a rocky road after the unthinkable divided our life into two parts. It’s a messy shuffle and sometimes it’s hard to see any progress.

But with kindness and acceptance, we can love ourselves forward, one step at a time.

If you feel defeated and can’t seem to shake it, I see you. My coaching program called Life Reconstructed is designed to help. It is all the tools and resources I wish I had in my own journey, along with a community of people who get it. Simply click here  and we’ll see if it’s a fit.