Dare to dream

Disclaimer: In your journey as a widowed person, it’s important to know that when you come across something that isn’t helpful, you can simply put it right back where you found it and keep going. With that said….

Have you allowed yourself to dream again? To consider what this life-after-loss could actually look like for you? Not in terms of just existing, or accepting your “new normal,” and assuming that this is as good as it could be, but have you thought about what the best possible version of this chapter of your life might be?

This wouldn’t mean that you’re happy about how your love story turned out. It simply means that it is exactly the way that it is, that you have a pulse and you are still living this one life. It means that you can choose how you’ll live it.  

Living your best possible life-after-loss does not diminish your love for your spouse. In fact, it can be an expression of that love. You could decide to live for two; to live a big enough life for the both of you.

And that can even include allowing your heart to gain additional capacity to love again, if that’s what you choose.

I remember a time when any thought about the future brought an onslaught of fear and panic. It was much later that I realized how much choice I had in creating my future, and that I could do it with my husband, even for him, and that in doing so, I was moving toward him. Those were the beliefs I chose for myself that allowed me to start thinking about my future. Of course, your beliefs may be different.

Or maybe you’re simply not ready to think about your future, and that’s okay. But if you are, make a list of 25 things you want for yourself. It could be objects or feelings – anything that comes to mind.

Next, make a list of things you want to do. Some people honor their spouse by creating a bucket list of experiences, while others make a list all their own. What have you always been curious about, but life got in the way? What old hobbies could be dusted off?

Your brain might say, “I don’t know.” It can be challenging to learn to dream again. It requires courage to think about your future as a “me” instead of a “we.” But ask your brain to take some guesses. Nothing is set in stone. Just dream. And then dream bigger.

“You can do the impossible because you’ve been through the unimaginable.” -Christina Rasmussen.

Teresa Amaral Beshwate, MPH, The Sudden Widow Coach, helps widows who have experienced the sudden loss of their spouse or significant other learn to live and love their life again. Her coaching program is exclusively for widowed people and offers the perfect mix of private and group coaching along with the most life changing tools for the uniquely challenging widowed journey.